the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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