They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
