No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Ketchup is God's man juice
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Randomize
