It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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