omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
