Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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