You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
being pregnant is like rehab
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
