Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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