Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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