Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
