I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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