woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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