Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
