i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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