he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
