i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
high people should be assigned attendants
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
