I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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