the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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