just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
