So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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