the condom got lost in my hair
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
They have beer where we have blood.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
