Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.