dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.