to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information