don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
