Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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