I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
