Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I'm really busy with my period
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