K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
