ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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