my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Even my vagina gasped.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
