I wannas sexs uuuuu
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
