My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
