I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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