pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I bet he comes in French.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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