my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
