I'm eating all of the evidence.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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