Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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