Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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