so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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