Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
This house was built for laser tag.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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