why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize