I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
