We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize
