no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
