Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
the condom got lost in my hair
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
