i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
