and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
