You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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