I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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