So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
