Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
