I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
