the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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