if you like me you must not know who I am
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
