Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
