Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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