69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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