what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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