How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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