my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
