You really coming over, don't trick.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
