guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
birth control should be required to get into college
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Randomize
