I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
