it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
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We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
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I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
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