i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
