I can text with my tongue
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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