So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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