Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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