the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
