sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize