I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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