oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Dicks are not precious.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
