420 ftw
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
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