I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
