her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
