I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
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your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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