dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
