He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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